A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this
problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never
smell and are always silent. In fact, I've passed gas at least 10 times
since I've been here in your office, but you didn't know it because they
don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills
and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what
the heck you gave me, but now when I pass gas, it's still silent, but it
stinks terribly". "Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's
work on your hearing."
Sunday, June 21, 2009
DOCTOR JOKES
TOP TEN THINGS YOU DONT WANT TO HERE WHILE HAVING SURGERY
1 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 68 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
6 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
8"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of'em
9 What do you mean "You want a divorce?"
10 Darn has any one ever survived 10ml of this stuff before.
HUSBAND'S IN WAITING ROOM AS WIVE'S GIVE BIRTH.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Double mint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man
! “Continued, "I work for 7-UP."
ELDERLY MAN VISITS DOCTOR
An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.
the doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first."
The old woman says, "Oh, no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs."
The doctor says, "Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and G-d turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and G-d would turn the light out for him."
The old woman responded, "Damn it, he's peeing in the fridge again! “
ELDERLY LADY RUSHES TO HOSPITAL
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.
The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"
The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."
1 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 68 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
6 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
8"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of'em
9 What do you mean "You want a divorce?"
10 Darn has any one ever survived 10ml of this stuff before.
HUSBAND'S IN WAITING ROOM AS WIVE'S GIVE BIRTH.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Double mint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man
! “Continued, "I work for 7-UP."
ELDERLY MAN VISITS DOCTOR
An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.
the doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first."
The old woman says, "Oh, no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs."
The doctor says, "Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and G-d turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and G-d would turn the light out for him."
The old woman responded, "Damn it, he's peeing in the fridge again! “
ELDERLY LADY RUSHES TO HOSPITAL
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.
The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"
The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."
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